I am pretty much done.
With all of it.
The drama, the wondering, the lies, the bullshit, just, all of it.
She wants me to grow up? Well then watch me grow the fuck up baby-girl…
You got one shot left, as unfair, and selfish and even mean as it may seem to you, for me to ask this of you, I only ask it because, you’re not as stupid as you’re telling yourself, and if you have ever known yourself, then you know what you want in the end, and if you want me in the end, then you’ll need to want me in the now, because I’m not a trampoline or a safe bet or the comfort zone, or even just the nice guy you can fall back on, I am me, and I have my own needs and wants, and if all that comes from our romance is you having me to fall back on, while you go and play around with other people, and in a real sense, degrade yourself, all while expecting me to just sit here and do my little thing, and be tormented and wounded, and heartbroken time and again, until you make up your mind, if you expect me to just do that for you, you’ve got a whole other thing coming.
I’ve been hurt too many times, and while I would honestly wish to spare you the pain I’ve had, the wounds I’ve endured, and even the drama, and the stress, maybe you need to remember what its like to realize that the person you care most about, or like most, is wounding you deeply…
O, is a meh kind of guy, all things considered, he doesn’t seem mean or cruel, at least not from what I can tell, but he’s HARDLY the best guy you’ve met, since he moved in on you more than once, while you where STILL in a relationship with me, and say what you will, but ANY guy who can’t show even the smallest measure of respect for either a girl or a guy in a relationship, with his actions, however kind or friendly they may have started out as, when you start to cross certain lines, not matter how “harmless” they may seem, they are still lines that should not be crossed, and they show a lack of character and respect for all people concerned, including oneself.
But I can’t judge too harshly, I mean, I’ve never met the guy, but then all I can really and honestly judge, all I WILL judge, is his actions, and I must say, his actions are kinda suckish over all.
You once said that the thing you loved most about me, as a “southern boy” was that I was loyal, and had more respect for you and others than most of the guys you’ve ever met, and you know what, that’s still true, I DO have more respect for you and others, when compared to some of the people you’ve met recently, all based on what you’ve told me yourself.
I’ve not changed too much, I was always loyal to you, and I still hold my normal level of respect for you, the extra respect I had, is currently in reserve due to the change in our relationship, and your recent behavior, but you know what really baffles me at this point?
Why would you pretty much abandon me, the guy you love(ed) who was so different from all that you’d been exposed to growing up, just to go and hawk after some dude who seems to be splitting the difference between me, the apparent gold standard, and the shit-face that you dated for 3 years in high school?
Call me biased, but even with that possible disclaimer, logically speaking, why would you downgrade?
I still love you, but if our romance dies, and dies for good, it will be you who kills it L, not me.
I’ll just be the one stuck with the broken pieces of my heart to live with for the rest of my life…
Bullshit n noise, I will endure, somehow.
~Caleb
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