what does one say when...

you've got no one listening?
you've worn out your free pass?
you've say all you know, but still need to say more?
Don't even know what to say, but know you must say SOMETHING?


Its the heartsick state of mind, the realization that you've put yourself into a 50/50 win or loose situation, bottom of the ninth, thirty seconds on the clock, two more turns to the finish-line, anything that can happen either will or wont, full on, balls out, might not ever get another shot blah blah blah bullshit n noise you know what the fuck I'm driving at...


the one Girl I have felt the most strongly about, the girl I've loved the most, cried over the most, done the most I could for, have risked pretty much everything for and the one person I can safely say I NEED more than anyone else, or even anything else, the Girl I need like I need air...

And I may have lost her because I got antsy, and clingy and a tad bitchy about it, and allowed that to spill over into everything, then didn't check my temper at the door after dealing with my idiot siblings...



I am not perfect.

I am human.

I am in love.

and I've not been laid in approaching 3 years, and the only girl I could ever want or need, is 1600+ miles away, and is pretty much sick of me.


all I want is to hold her, but I can't even hardly talk to her now...



still, I feel better, because Ive at last given vent to my feelings, and have allowed myself to just let go, for the moment, and take stock of myself.



Ehhhh... Not sure if thats the NICEST thing to do to myself but it IS needed, and in the long run, healthy and needed.


I'll fight for love tomorrow, today I'll try to enjoy feeling like I got smashed in the face with a greasy hot skillet, and my knees where smacked for nine hours by small children wielding nerf bats...



insert witty sign off here trolls,

~Caleb