Who cares if they see you cry, just make sure they see you walk away.

Well, it looks like we’re done.

Seems she might have decided to move on, and found a new guy to tickle her fancy.

Some random musical theater student from Canada is who she thinks she fancies now, and I honestly hope she finds or figures out what she’s looking for, because I know that while I found what I wanted and needed, it seems it was only for a season, for the time that I needed it, and she needed me to be whatever it is I was to her, and you know what?

I regret nothing.

And to be honest, I’m done too, I need to move on, and I need to find my center again, be it with someone else or alone, and I currently would prefer to be alone for a short time, because if I can’t be happy alone, then how can I be happy with someone else?

Its just a bad idea to think that another person can fix all your problems, like some magic cure-all because if you can’t address your own issues, you will only dump them onto someone else, and that’s just how that works, even if you’re doing good, you will still have your flaws and troubles, it is the way of the world and human nature, we are all imperfect, but the hope is that in finding that someone special, you and that person, make each other better people, because you are two halves of a whole, and only when whole can a person be anywhere close to being perfect, which, is indeed unattainable, and yet, is the goal we must set, if we do not wish to degrade into nothing more than a poor sad excuse for a human being.

Honestly, I guess I knew it was either over, or heading for over, some time ago, when she just started not communicating like she used to, and was being slightly evasive with what few explanations she gave, and yes, I did not help things by almost having a total and utter breakdown and freaking out, but even so, it was likely my heart, reacting to the same signs I’d seen too many times before, to simply ignore out of hand.

And I don’t blame her, not totally, that would be unfair.

I DO however lay the lions share of the fault, to circumstances, fuck’em all I say, but then circumstances are not the be all end all, and so on that note, I do in fact lay some blame, squarely on her shoulders, take my own part of the blame, of equal or greater value, and then leave the rest on the roadside of this thing called life, because it is funny, heartrending, mean, and in it’s own way, both fair, and unfair to us all, and it is at the heart of the matter, what we can make of it.

I want to say more, but I simply haven’t the words, so for now, I am, and will always be, myself, take me or leave me, love me or hate me, just don’t call me late for dinner dishonest, or worthless, because I’m no better or worse than anyone else, just different, and I’m cool with that.

Deuces n laters,

~Caleb