“Happy” birthday to mee…
Yeah, finding that starting over in the interpersonal, relationship sense, is next to impossible, since… Your focus needs to be on yourself, and it’s hard to do when you still have such powerful feelings for that someone who is no longer such a central part of your life.
Finding your center again is what it takes, but readjusting to the fact that one of the pillars at your center is no longer there, is a disorienting feeling, and it will throw everything about sense of yourself out of whack.
Which for me, is in and of itself a paradox, as I know that honestly, to define myself, is to limit myself, not that I cannot or will not define a PART of myself, hardly, I can will and do define parts of myself all the time, because understanding who you are is key to surviving this world, as unscathed as possible, which, given how much there is out there to mess you up, is a noble if not somewhat foolhardy ideal.
Still… It is what one must do to survive without self-destructing or allowing oneself to be destroyed by the world.
And yet, I find that by carefully avoiding a fully developed defined sense of self, one is given freedom to explore oneself, and that is a good thing, if done right, and not in the context of endangering oneself or ones relationships in the process, careful thought must be put into every critical step, the rest will take care of them selves, more often than not, but do not discount the effect the little things can and will have on you and the world around you.
Hmmm… I feel that a good way to sum this all up, is “personal responsibility” something most people are scared of, and I’ll admit to some of that fear myself, it would be dishonest not to, but even so, I should say that as uncomfortable as taking responsibility for ones actions can be (when is it ever THAT comfortable anyways, right?) in the end, it is always more rewarding, personally at least, and in the end, easier, as far as relationships go anyways, to just fess up and say “I did that, and I’m sorry, how can I make it right?” because trust me, that is now SO fucking rare, that when it happens, just about anyone can be impressed with it, and then be compelled to reach out, and help make amends…
It goes back to what I said a week or two ago; life is about relationships.
Wow, nice wandering rant there huh?
Witty, heartfelt, snarky, self-defacing comment here trolls…
~Caleb
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