Prose is a Rose, and Im a thorn

How can you know?

How can you see?

All the of the wounds I hide, even from me.

I walk along, watching the world spin by day by day, I think and I think, too much some would say, but still I think, and see what others do not, and given where I’ve come from, and where I am, I know that most people, their faces are a sham.

I was born a neutral raised to be a saint, I’ve been a sinner, and a winner, a looser and a taint, I mean no one harm, yet harm tails me like a wake, I keep you all at arms length, as much for my own if not just your sake, some of you fear me, as well you should, others condemn me, wielding a hangman’s hood, but who are you to judge me? Like you’re the master and executor of all that’s righteous and good?

I think not, I know not in fact, your not unlike me, imperfect and selfish and more than a little whacked, so I walk along down this broken path, ducking and wincing and failing to hold my wrath.

Alone I walk, along the road before me, there’s basically nothing you can do that can sway or deter me, you want me, you want me, you want me, in so many ways; you want me to stop, you want me to change, you just want me to stay the same.

But have I really ever changed?

No, I’ve grown, and that’s not the same, you got down under my skin, and you weren’t sure of what you found, if you liked it or hated it, or if you wanted to keep it around, the image I imprint, should really be clear; beware, beware, of the things I have said, don’t think you’re the exception to the rule, or you’ll turn up dead, if not in body then at least in your own head, look out for me, cause I can fuck your shit up, and all your sorry will be worth a hill of beans, so watch me and follow if you dare, keep your eye on this lone wolf in blue jeans, just make sure that as you do, you fucking beware…

The truth will come out, and when I speak it, its unfiltered, un checked, pure and unashamed…

You have been warned.

~Caleb

the nuts n bolts of life

{Something I found on my hardrive, and Facebook, a little bit ago, and just felt compelled to post it here.}


For every problem there is a solution, in every solution there is a pattern, every pattern is a process, for every process there is an order, for every order there is a counter, for every counter there is an odd, for every odd, there is a number, for every number there is a value, for every value there is a negative, a negative is anti, for every anti there is a pro, for every pro there is an action, for ever action, there is a reaction, for every reaction there is a reason, and in every reason, there is a thought, and for every thought there is a idea, and in every idea is a dream, and every dream has a dreamer, and for every dreamer, there is a goal, and in front of every goal, is an obstacle and every obstacle is a challenge, and in every challenge is a challenger, and for every challenger, a reward, and every reward worth having is worth working for, and the more you work for something, the more you appreciate it, and the more you appreciate it, the more you value it, and the greater the value, the greater the care, and as much as there is care, there is devotion, and for all of one’s devotion, you will find love, and when you find love, you find a person, and when you find the person, you find their problems as well…

And you don’t care about any of the above, because, you love that person…


This is the story of the world and how it works, deal with it.

~Caleb

just a thought or three

{NOTE: this is actually an older thing I wrote some time ago, but I felt like it was worth re-posting, ENJOY TROLLS!}

Have you ever noticed how the people in your life who self proclaim themselves as "Mature" or who say that they are "growing up" or "Growing apart" or even "Heading in a new direction" or even, god forbid, that they are "no longer the person I was" all seem to have a common thread running through their words, actions, behavior?

Yeah, it's all to cover the fact that they pretty much fucked you over while in a state of pure stupid emotional upheaval, whilst you stood there and did your dammedest to be a good friend, to give them comfort, and when it came down to it, the truth, as best as you could, and when they didn't like it, they cut you off, after stabbing you (in the back or in the face, doesn't matter which, they freaking STABBED YOU) and telling you, in essence that you where little (or maybe much, it depends) more than a novelty or security blanket for them, and they they are now through with you because they realize that something has changed between you, and they either:

A) don't like it, and thus have no more use for you

B) Don't like it because it scares them for whatever stupid reason, so they run from you

C) STILL don't like it, and are freaking out for the aforementioned reasons

D) Like it because that was the plan all along, to string you along until things shifted, then freaked out to hurt you

or lastly

E) had no clue what the fuck they where doing, freaked out, acted like a spas cause they don't know any better, and then had a special moment where they totally self-destructed themselves and most if not all of the people around them where affected due to the ripple effect, better known to us on the internet (gamers and military nerds mostly) as "Splash damage"

And then the REAL fun starts up.

Gossip becomes a pass-card to butt into things, comment, and berate people, when its NONE OF YOUR DAMMED AFFAIR and then what might have been a private but messy situation, that might have been solved, turns into a semi-public debacle likened to a white elephant that's been stuck into the back corner of the room and is shiting in the punch bowl, while everyone comments on how nice it's little pink bow looks, but that it IS rather unpractical , not that it's any of my business, but I think you should take it outside maybe, even when it looks so nice there...

As it shits all over the floor, food and in the punch bowl.

This is like the ugly as sin baby being showed to the family and friends in the maternity ward; "Oh... Look at the baby!"

Honestly what do you say? "Lady, thats one ugly as fuck baby, and I don't say that lightly."

No, the sociable thing to do is to not comment on the fact that junior has buck teeth, crossed eyes, a nose you could park a ship on, lips that look like a monkey's junk, and a chin that should be registered as a deadly weapon...

Okay I MIGHT comment on that, but thats all make-believe hypothetical.

What really happened was that I was hurt by my once dearest friend, blah blah, lights n sound, stuff n noise, I'm over it.

The sad and I now personally think, humorous truth is that she went back to the trolly sack of hypocritical, overtly religious, two-faced LYING sack of dog shit she'd foolishly, almost rebelliously married, and has had almost nothing but grief from since BEFORE THE WEDDING!

I would be mad or hurt if not for the fact that I, for some wonderful strange and unnameable reason, find it so dammed funny, and ironic, that I can chortle to my self, shrug, vent this out here, and then get on with having my own life, simple and sad as it may be.

~Caleb

Ah, square one, so we meet again… Or something like that

“Happy” birthday to mee…

Yeah, finding that starting over in the interpersonal, relationship sense, is next to impossible, since… Your focus needs to be on yourself, and it’s hard to do when you still have such powerful feelings for that someone who is no longer such a central part of your life.

Finding your center again is what it takes, but readjusting to the fact that one of the pillars at your center is no longer there, is a disorienting feeling, and it will throw everything about sense of yourself out of whack.

Which for me, is in and of itself a paradox, as I know that honestly, to define myself, is to limit myself, not that I cannot or will not define a PART of myself, hardly, I can will and do define parts of myself all the time, because understanding who you are is key to surviving this world, as unscathed as possible, which, given how much there is out there to mess you up, is a noble if not somewhat foolhardy ideal.

Still… It is what one must do to survive without self-destructing or allowing oneself to be destroyed by the world.

And yet, I find that by carefully avoiding a fully developed defined sense of self, one is given freedom to explore oneself, and that is a good thing, if done right, and not in the context of endangering oneself or ones relationships in the process, careful thought must be put into every critical step, the rest will take care of them selves, more often than not, but do not discount the effect the little things can and will have on you and the world around you.

Hmmm… I feel that a good way to sum this all up, is “personal responsibility” something most people are scared of, and I’ll admit to some of that fear myself, it would be dishonest not to, but even so, I should say that as uncomfortable as taking responsibility for ones actions can be (when is it ever THAT comfortable anyways, right?) in the end, it is always more rewarding, personally at least, and in the end, easier, as far as relationships go anyways, to just fess up and say “I did that, and I’m sorry, how can I make it right?” because trust me, that is now SO fucking rare, that when it happens, just about anyone can be impressed with it, and then be compelled to reach out, and help make amends…

It goes back to what I said a week or two ago; life is about relationships.

Wow, nice wandering rant there huh?

Witty, heartfelt, snarky, self-defacing comment here trolls…

~Caleb