The final bullet, of the war… [current]

You think you won, but did you really?

Why is it that I feel like the one who was set free?

Even with all the lies and falsehoods, I loved you, and you said you lived me, but in the end, it was in part clear, either someone never really cared, or we where not meant to be.

Or both.

I know the truth, I know what you try to hide, and I know now that whatever it was you felt for me, it wasn’t total, true or pure, and I doubt it was ever-even love in the most basic sense, but then how can I judge you when my own failings are just as clear?

But I was always there for you, even when you didn’t want me to be, I was, always ready to do my best and most for you, and you wasted it so many times.

What if this time;
I don't say hi first, I dont text back right away, I dont smile when you say my name.
What if this time…

I leave you feeling like you did me last time..

The question really is; how can you lose something you never had?

Well… You can’t, and while I was a total dick at the start, and in how I handled our relationship, and I totally and abjectly failed you, first as a friend, then as a boy friend, and finally, as your Ex, I did in fact love you, and care about you Alexis, but we where doomed to fail from the start, I knew it, I knew better, you did not, so while you sure as hell made plenty of mistakes, and ultamitly killed what love we did share, as I told you once about the implosion of your little social circle once, I will now say here, applied to me; you where just the trigger for the bomb I had built, so the fault, and the responsibiilty is ultamatly mine.

I am more sorry for it all then you will ever know, more sorry for it all, than I could ever show.

I was a selfish foolish idiot and for that, Im sorry.

I would like to think that somewhere inside you are as well, but, as I said above, the bottom line is, I failed you, first as a friend, then as a boyfriend, and finally, as your ex and you failed me, in the same way, but I forgive you.

I can only hope and pray that even if you dont forgive me, you can one day learn and grow from all of this mess and that you can find someone decent, and loving towards you, who treats you right and will care for you, the way I should have, the way I wanted too and the way you need it.

But now its time we sad good bye, for the last time.

A small part of me will always worry about you, but my heart... It is my own again, broken, hurt and tired...

But I can't totally blame you for that, because as we used to say about just about everything; “It takes two to tango.”

So Keep slugg'en Tiger, and good bye Alexis, you goofy, sexy, bubbly, shallow, callous, selfish slut.

Hope you grow up one day and realize what really happened, and what you squandered away, as I have grown up and realized what all I did wrong.

Bullshit n Noise,

Deuces n Rock,

I will endure, if only for my own stuborness, or the grace of God.

~Caleb