I just wanna be…

[just a "final" vent as it where, but I make no promises]

I will never be your first kiss. I will never be your first love. I’m not your first valentine, first fight, first teddy bear, or first date. I’m not in this to be your first anything...

I just want to be your last…

And there was a time you would have barely let me arrive before you'd greet me, now its rare if you even acknowledge me, and it hurts somewhere deep inside. :(

My sentiments on the subject of love, namely my personal love life, and my… This STILL doesn’t sound or feel right, buy, my former girlfriend… God that still hurts to even think…

My sentiments on the matter, are well known, but still, I can not help but say, think, and feel, that somehow, it is either totally my fault, or totally her fault, as stupid as that is, because honestly, both of us are to blame, however, I STILL maintain that it could have been avoided, how I don’t really know for sure, but I still feel that way, however foolish or wistful or silly it may be, but…

It is neither here nor there.

The bottom line is, I just wanna be loved, I just want my affections and time and effort returned to me, without pretense, and without evasions and excuses, and without reservations or qualifications, distractions, and callous justification.

IS that too much to ask?

According to her, it just might be.

And why? Because she’s “just not ready” for a deep, personal, and romantic relationship, but then I would submit that no one ever really and truly is ready, which is all the more reason to do it, to grow, to learn, to become a better person, a risk yes, but well worth the reward if both persons are willing to work on it, without stopping, with a common goal.

But she won’t admit to that truth, she would rather be selfish, and miserable.

So be it, I could never say no to her, so why start now?

Deuces n Rock children,

~Caleb