Frustrations…

I know, I’m “too sensitive” according to so many of my detractors, who will also within a short span of time, call me an unfeeling callous fruckin’sum’bitch.

I find it borderline entertaining that within a week, I have been called a saint, and a sinner, or more precisely a “great guy” and then a “smart-ass creep” or comparatively “the best guy I’ve ever dated” to a “terrible person” or a “wonderful person” to a “total fucking dick” and lastly the contrast of being either a “kind of stand up, knight in armor” to “a twisted maniacal controlling psychopath with a superiority complex”…

Hot steaming dog crap on a saltine, that is all just hysterical…

And the wonder of it all, is that other than maybe a very few persons, I honestly don’t give a neon flying rat screw with a sack o’ chips about what anyone thinks, feed em’ fish heads I say, its all just so much BS n noise ya savvy?

And yet… Say the wrong thing to or about anyone dear and near to me, and I go from the easy going, nothin’ got me down smart-aleck I normally am, into a fire and brimstone fueled, mushroom cloud dropping, face, ego, intellect and emotional destroying Fury of the ancient Greek caliber with the unholy rage of the Celtic god of wrath and his half-brother, the god of war’s cunning…

If I could get in touch with anyone willing to comment and attest to seeing me in full on fangs bared, claws out, “where’s my gun?” battle mode, well then I would hardly have to try (and fail, I might add) and paint some over the top picture about how I feel deep down inside, the unmitigated rage that I must restrain whenever I hear tell of injustice or unfairness, or even the mildest slight, being enacted against my dearest’s.

Which brings me to my primary point; people, grow the fuck up, and stop treating each other like week old dog crap, Christ said “This is my commandment, that you love one another, that you’re joy may be full.” Not “can you all try to get along?” not “Try not to argue so much?” or “please limit the pain and frustration you inflict on others?”

I mean, lets be REAL, cut the crap and all that jazz; “This is my commandment, that you love one another, that you’re joy may be full.” Its in all 4 of the Gospels’ for crying out loud right? Sooo… that would be pretty important right? How’bout the fact that when asked which was the greatest of the commandments, Jesus answered; “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself, for this sums up and satisfies the whole of the Law and the Prophets.”

Love.

Let me say it again for you who are totally slow or not paying attention and are waiting for the juicy personal details I seem to spew out here.

Love.

LOVE.

“Love is patient , love is kind, love hardly notices an offence, love covers a multitude of sins, love does not look for or take joy in sin or suffering.”

ECT…

What really burns me up, is that people always seem to treat each other so poorly, and it always seems to be they who are closest to each other that are the most savage, and I will admit, I am as guilty of this as any and everyone else, maybe even in my own little way, more so, and yet…

I do not care what you may say to or about me, as long as it is not a blatant lie or falsehood made to smear my name, or drive a wedge between me and mine.

And yet, when they whom I care most for, are hurt, slandered, shamed, disrespected, made sport of, needlessly chastised, berated, belittled, scorned, or otherwise devalued or dehumanized… Lets just be glad I have more than a small measure of self-control, and that for a few things, at a few various times I was either unaware, pre-occupied, in another city and or state, or otherwise removed from direct contact of certain instances.

Otherwise I might be in jail, and others would be in either the grave, or at least the hospital.

All of that flows into my greatest frustration; the feeling of being powerless to act on the behalf of one who needs it.

Elementally so, this is likely my greatest fear, frustration, and failing, and I will not mince words, or needlessly expand verbosely.

I HATE IT!

So is it such a surprise when I act as I do when I can overcome it?

I think not…

You don’t like it?

You take issue with it?

Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, and take that to heart internet, trust me, as someone who has been forcibly subjected to barely whispered horrors more than once, at a fairly young age, begging God above that SOMEONE, ANYONE, would act on my behalf, being made to feel ashamed at my own impotence and weakness, being in a place to act on the behalf of they what need it most, be it extending grace and mercy, or becoming the hammer of Karma, the wrath of God made flesh, how can you dare judge me for acting as I do, when I do, with the utmost clarity I am able to conjure within myself, acting with every ounce of pure, righteous, unselfish, and unpretentious moral reason within me…

And to all of you who are my dearest’s, and can understand and respect what I mean with what I have said; you have me as your comrade, your ally, your friend, me, a Half Irish mutt from Texas.

“Texans, they are the best and most kindly neighbors, the best friends, and the worst adversaries, clearly the most fearsome of allies, and enemies I have ever heard of, God love them.” ~(1841) Unknown

Take from this whatever you will, you should be able to think for yourself, and if you can’t, then why in the name of God above are you looking to me to do it for you?

Above all else, Love is the greatest, Love remains, and Love wins.

Endure,
~Caleb