Gravity and Light...

Digesting the last few days has been an almost full time job for my sub-conscious as my higher and more aware functions have been wrapped up in everything that has been going on, everything and everywhere and everyone.

I have just spent six days having, thus far, the best time of my life, I’ve seen more of this still great nation, (no matter how badly the poli’s and newsies try and paint n’ shade it) met some new and pretty friggin righteous people, and have truly found, who I feel is my one true love. Yes, I do believe that I have found my someone, she also happens to be my female doppelganger, best friend, and the one and only person who can out sarcastic or out think me, and thus far the one and only person who not only can put up with me, but takes me as I am and loves me no matter what, and trusts me more than I deserve to be…

Hey y’all, watch this, I’ma usin the clutch!

It all feels as if it really was a dream, and yet I know it is real,

I know now you are real, and above all else, I know how you feel,

I can’t quantify this feeling that seeps into my bones, creeps throughout my brain,

I can feel everything as it filters down my brain, but this smoldering sparks a passionate joy born of pain.

The paradox my mind creates, this feeling that it is not real, yet this awareness that is more honest and acute than anything else, balance against me, pushing me to and fro, and suddenly I find myself in tears; “I don’t want to go.”

Your kisses are simple, bittersweet and intense, returning the longing I hold in every breath, your fingers and palms, small cool yet soft and strong, fill the spaces left in my own, and when I look closely I can see what was shown, that the holes in my arms, my hands and my side, where made by me, for you, carved out by the acid tears I have cried.

And the contrast remains, even when weeping, your eyes are a sight, stunning to behold, defying defining words, bucking convention, awe flowing out, bright and deep and hiding that wit, guarding your heart yes every little bit, but I can see past the walls, and touch your heart, if only just, the touches you give me inspire more than mere lust, but a longing to contact, to hold and protect, to guard and to shelter, to offer haven, safe and true, to nuzzle your cheek and whisper “I love you” until the words are but breath, hot and slow, air passing by in the light of the sun, golden and pure, shining in your eyes, wet with tears, mixed with joy and regret, pain and understanding, longing and resolve, how can I not burn slowly, and drown in your eyes, you spectacular awe inspiring and most stunning beauty?

Its not one single thing about you, but all things in concert, not just form of body, or mind or spirit, but all three flowing into the same, a creature of perfect flawed humanity, not the perfect girl, but the perfect girl for me, because you love me when I am just a mess trying to pull myself back together into a shamble of passable or excusable male humanity because I am far too stubborn and masculine for anyone’s good, far less my own.

And yet you provide the sweetest calm, the shelter from the world, the calm eye of my storm, the most delectable scalding, the most needed chill, the answer to the question I never know how to ask…

I love you Kristen, God help me I do, I cannot promise you more than what I have, and all I am is all I have, and all I am is my heart, and my heart…

Is yours, and I know you will keep it well, as I try to do the same with yours…

"Close your eyes, and I’ll kiss you, tomorrow I’ll miss you, remember I’ll always be true.
And then while I’m away, I’ll write home every day, and I’ll send all my lovin’ to you…"

I wanna hold your hand, because all you need is love, and it is for love, above all else, that I shall endure, if only for my own stubbornness, or the everlasting grace of God above.

~Caleb