I find that I am REALLY missing my laptop right now, as I am wracking my brain to recall a letter I wrote some time around Valentines Day this year, and yet, I cannot recall it with enough clarity to reproduce it here and now I fear... However, I have found something else; a poem I wrote sometime in 2009, and I can recall that I thought I had written it for a previous girlfriend, and yet, I find it chillingly vague and yet pointed, aimed at practically every Ex I've had, and yet hindsight tells me it is aimed at but one person, and given the apparent timing, it is shiveringly dumbfounding to say the least...
Soar, soar ever more, my heart will fly away, to your lips, to your eyes, brighter than day.
To your voice, to your scent sweet as dew, to the place we first met, where we first knew,
of rapture, of joy, of love, so dear to behold. Of summer and fun and laughter so bold, of whispers of nothing and kisses so sweet, of ice cream and cheeseburgers and dirty bare feet.
Soar, soar ever true, my heart will find you, where ever you are, where ever you go, I will know and you too. You heart calls my own, with a voice only I hear, across the room, or the town, I feel your pull, my heart aches to see your face and feel your warmth in my embrace.
Soar, soar ever you, soar in my mind in that way you do, across the sky, I see you fly, in my mind, an angel in you, I find you glow inward from your soul, a heavenly view.
Soar, soar nevermore, I find I’ve lost you… Not to be, not to me, and of course not to you…
Never more to hold your hand, or even to eat with you, never more to hear you voice, to feel your warmth or even to see you…
And yet it is for the best… for now I find…
I…
never…
loved…
You…
All I can and will say is that I can look back at everything I have been through over the last 5-6 years of my life, and I can see how it has all come down to this instant in time, and I can see a few of the ways things might go from here, and where I might end up, and I can see that as long as I just give it my all, and trust God above, and never doubt the power of true love, and that it will always find a way, then you know what? No matter what may happen, I'll be okay...
Turning slowly, burning cold, scars of foolish whimsy turn ashen gold,
Tender under your sweet administrations, affection a force mightier than nations,
Afour letter word binds me still, a curse not by my own definition,
A common toy in the mouths and actions of a jaded generation
A game I have lost, and gained even so,
A growing part of myself I now truly know,
For if blind I now be, I do not wish to see,
Still if love kills slowly, then let me be,
Myself to die, as I now yet awake,
Nevermore my heart will I now take, for it is no longer mine, but yours to keep,
And in deepest peace my soul shall weep for the burning salve hot and burning to sear my mind and soul,
Destructive and foolish, stupid and weak,
The common held truth I dare not seek,
For I have found what my spirit most needs, a flower has sprouted from the seeds,
Planted in earnest innocence, I know not my fate still,
But I know my heart now and forever will,
Be tied to yours, so call me what they will,
It is not their choice, but mine ever still to admit with all fault,
It is not what others think,
It is love so simple and natural,
Into which I gladly sink.
Be, Love, and Endure,
~Caleb
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