... Or Comparing the traits, quarks, moods, attributes and qualities of my significant other By Caleb McConnell
Why do we find ourselves attracted to other people?
What is it that draws us to certain kinds or types of personalities?
What traits do we exhibit in and of ourselves when we allow our attraction to another person to be realized? What are the attributes and qualities that draw people together in various situations and contexts and what is it that pulls at humans like this, is it simply some biological drive, maybe a more a psychological hunger, or what if it is more intangible, a spiritual attraction, or maybe even then, for the sake of discussion, all of the above?
For me myself, this all translates into a very simple query; why do I love my girlfriend, Kristen Dennis? This is not the only reason for this little paper; it is however the directive I have picked to guide me, in conjunction with how much I do in fact care for and love her, which is likely why this will also be as much a love letter as an “academic exercise” in exploring and extrapolating the reasons she and I, despite or even due to our variations and circumstances, have made the journey from acquaintances, to casual friends, into solid friends, and then into best friends, and lastly, into lovers.
In this expansion of emotion, thought and reason, there might be some instances of outside sources (as in from the outside of my brain) in the form of Twitter or Facebook posts, as well as even Text Message exchanges and snippets from my personal Blog, along with the recounting of dreams, and even poetry, as well as a few songs I’m sure. Examples may or may not abound in this paper, but regardless of which way it works out, I will gladly expound my reasons for loving her, and what that means within. (“You ended that sentence with a preposition… BASTARD!”)
Love is a very multifaceted idea in society today, depending on your vantage point (be it socially, geographically, religiously or even politically) love might be any number of things. Such as something as benign as a fluttering little emotion that is to be observed in others, or it might be a nexus of all avarice and pain found in the world, or it might even be the cornerstone of your ideas on life. Regardless what any predominating ideals or thoughts society may or may not have on love, I have found that for myself, the ideal that love is both real, and powerful, has always served me well, and it is in my own opinion, a wonderful contrast in that while I believe in the power of love, I also believe that power is derived from the depth and context of that love, and that the common ideals held in pop culture about love, are cheap and shoddy imitations.
I also do not subscribe, at least not totally, to the position that you have no input over who you “fall in love with” in that, it is implied that you have very little choice in the matter, that you are a slave to your whims and hormones. I believe in and of myself, that while there is of course that “X factor” or that thing you cannot exactly or fully explain quantify or even control, to any true level of satisfaction anyway, there are surely other things at work that affect how you feel about another person, and if you will end up with affections for them, and or they for you.
This is not to say that I discount that factor, not at all. But it is to say that it is not the sole source of input or reasoning that I use, which I feel works best for me and my personality, case in point below, showing the more intangible emotive reactions, mixed with the more visceral physical reactions, and the way they seem to mix:
Why do we find ourselves attracted to other people?
What is it that draws us to certain kinds or types of personalities?
What traits do we exhibit in and of ourselves when we allow our attraction to another person to be realized? What are the attributes and qualities that draw people together in various situations and contexts and what is it that pulls at humans like this, is it simply some biological drive, maybe a more a psychological hunger, or what if it is more intangible, a spiritual attraction, or maybe even then, for the sake of discussion, all of the above?
For me myself, this all translates into a very simple query; why do I love my girlfriend, Kristen Dennis? This is not the only reason for this little paper; it is however the directive I have picked to guide me, in conjunction with how much I do in fact care for and love her, which is likely why this will also be as much a love letter as an “academic exercise” in exploring and extrapolating the reasons she and I, despite or even due to our variations and circumstances, have made the journey from acquaintances, to casual friends, into solid friends, and then into best friends, and lastly, into lovers.
In this expansion of emotion, thought and reason, there might be some instances of outside sources (as in from the outside of my brain) in the form of Twitter or Facebook posts, as well as even Text Message exchanges and snippets from my personal Blog, along with the recounting of dreams, and even poetry, as well as a few songs I’m sure. Examples may or may not abound in this paper, but regardless of which way it works out, I will gladly expound my reasons for loving her, and what that means within. (“You ended that sentence with a preposition… BASTARD!”)
Love is a very multifaceted idea in society today, depending on your vantage point (be it socially, geographically, religiously or even politically) love might be any number of things. Such as something as benign as a fluttering little emotion that is to be observed in others, or it might be a nexus of all avarice and pain found in the world, or it might even be the cornerstone of your ideas on life. Regardless what any predominating ideals or thoughts society may or may not have on love, I have found that for myself, the ideal that love is both real, and powerful, has always served me well, and it is in my own opinion, a wonderful contrast in that while I believe in the power of love, I also believe that power is derived from the depth and context of that love, and that the common ideals held in pop culture about love, are cheap and shoddy imitations.
I also do not subscribe, at least not totally, to the position that you have no input over who you “fall in love with” in that, it is implied that you have very little choice in the matter, that you are a slave to your whims and hormones. I believe in and of myself, that while there is of course that “X factor” or that thing you cannot exactly or fully explain quantify or even control, to any true level of satisfaction anyway, there are surely other things at work that affect how you feel about another person, and if you will end up with affections for them, and or they for you.
This is not to say that I discount that factor, not at all. But it is to say that it is not the sole source of input or reasoning that I use, which I feel works best for me and my personality, case in point below, showing the more intangible emotive reactions, mixed with the more visceral physical reactions, and the way they seem to mix:
“Our first kiss was in her brother’s kitchen in Toledo, the first day I was there, barely 6 hours since we’d first met, in the Dayton airport and I’d almost shoulder tackled her trying to give her a hug. Hardly the most romantic of settings, and it was kind of a silly thing because I simply couldn’t wait any longer, and it was a golden opportunity because it was the very first time we had been alone at all for more than three seconds, and while her brother was just around the corner and down the stairs, I jumped on the moment like a starving wolf on a sick lamb…
I reached out and snagged her hand gently, tugged her back from the doorway, and gave her a smile, then pulled her towards me a step as I closed the gap and looked at her in the semi-darkness of the unlit kitchen, and looked at her, my stomach knotted up like it was the first time I’d ever kissed a girl as I softly asked her if I might give her a kiss.
She blinked at me, two or three times so fast I honestly don’t know how many times it was, a mixture of thoughts dancing across her face, through her stunning “hazel” (a mix of blue gray, green and coppery brown really) eyes. Mostly, a series of thoughts and emotions that seemed to me to read as; “Oh! Wow, already? Oh my gosh wow! Why here? Why now? Is he for real? Yes please! What TOOK him so long?!?”
All in a half second moment that passed between us as I tried not to have only the second panic attack of my life, in the middle of a strangers kitchen.
“Yeah.” She said with a small smile that was part happy, part coy, and part scared.
We kissed, and while it was far from earth shaking, or mind altering or even very long or intense, it was all I needed. It was really little more than a friendly, nervous peck, but in that moment, for a split second, there was nothing.
In my head that is. I am always a storm of noise, chaos, color, sound scents and energy inside my own head, and its very rare that I ever have a moment of total calm and quiet.
For a single thunderously silent heartbeat that flowed across every inch of my mind and torso, there was nothing at all, and the instant our lips parted, I heard a sound, like some stringed glass chime with a tube overdrive, a simple little tune that I shall forever struggle to capture or recreate without her lips on mine. And then in the next moment, we where standing in the kitchen looking at each other blushing and smiling, before we looked to the door and decided it would be a good idea to catch up with her brother…And then much later, sitting on a couch, talking, and holding hands, she leaned over on me, and I wrapped my arm around her, and before long, we kissed again, in a deep soul-searching, mind bending fashion, and then the follow-up kiss sent me over the edge into a place Id not been to in a long time, that little melody humming in the back of my mind as the rest of me shut down and my heart soared, my lips tingled, and lungs burned in sweet agony…
She is beautiful in body, spirit, and mind, soul, portion and emotion, her eyes are such that even when she cries, they are lovely, tragically so maybe, but stunning none the less...How can I sum it all up? As I said before, I really can't but hell, that's never stopped me from trying before right?” [1] (Edited for length)
Clearly I have attempted to capture with words, that which is wordless, a moment it time that will forever be burned into my heart and soul, and even if my memory of that may fade, the impression will never degrade. And for that, I am supremely grateful and in a way, indebted to her for this.
When one is comparing the various traits that they like about someone, the most common thing other people seem to speak about, is the physical appearance of a person. Be it themselves, a friend or romantic interest, or a family member (although in less detail for the latter when compared to the formers) from describing the other persons hair or eyes, to their build or the type of figure they cut, as well as other less solid things such as clothing style, or even expressions or mannerisms. This need to quantify various aspects, to explain the many facets of a person, is driven forward I think, by the need to organize things for our own selves, more than for others. Maybe I’m wrong but I always feel that for myself, it is the need to understand how a person fits into my little corner of the universe, to understand the exact standing of the relationship between me and them, that drives this, which is an interesting contrast to my “come what may, live and let live” kind of well… Lazy, approach to life, which is provoked from my need to keep external input as simple as possible, since my internal throughput is always so widespread and randomly in-depth.
As to what Love is… Well, in a simple academic sense, love is a basic human emotion, a drive even, one that we all carry within ourselves. However understanding it and why it happens is not as simple as you may think, no matter how much effort is devoted to it, and while the exercise is always an existential event, it will always in the end, elude any single defining trait to which I or anyone might attach a singular label upon. Sad but true.Indeed, it seems to me, that psychologists believe firmly that there are two basic types of love: compassionate and passionate. Compassionate love is characterized by affection, attachment, mutual respect and trust. This type of love usually develops over time out of feelings of mutual understanding, interest, empathy and respect shared by two people. Whereas passionate love is characterized by physical (pre-dominantly sexual) or intellectual attraction, intense emotions, affection, anxiety, elation and a strong desire to spend as much time with the other person as possible. So of course, it would seem to me that the balance of the two is what is vital. The transition between them, the back and forth, is what is needed for a lasting relationship. If only because we all age, we all mature, and we all evolve, or more simply, we get wrinkled. That physical attraction and the longing and drive attached to it, will not last forever, however the camaraderie, empathy, intellectual connectivity, and attachment that forges the bonds we make in life, can last forever if we put forth the effort, and it is that which can stand the test of time, if we so wish to try.
But to what do we owe such a bonding of persons? In mind, soul, heart and even body, it is the traits, the qualities and attributes that draw us in, the common interests, the common view points, the things shared, even if not totally alike, that pull us into that first level of attraction and interest, the most simple and basic connection that humanity has sought since before recorded history, a sense of “us” of the things that draw us together. I feel that the core of our very existence, pretty much on any and every level as human beings, is relationships. And the core of ANY relationship is the exchange of essence, more practically thought of as communication, and the basis for communication is contact, the reason for contact, is driven by interest, while the root of interest is attraction, and the reason for any kind of attraction, is to, of course, initiate relationships.
So then, at long last; what are some of the things that I find attractive about Kristen? What are some of the traits, quarks, moods, attributes and qualities that I like about her, that attract me to her, that bond us as friends, as romantic interests, as lovers?
Okay… here we go…
I am a person who tries to be as fair as I can, I struggle to see any and all situations as a whole, from as many varying perspectives as I can, I do my best to see “both sides of the equation” as I like to say, because it is a part of my personality, a part of my character, and it is a trait I find lacking in the vast majority of people, save for Kristen. She is likely the only other person I can think of who attempts to share this viewpoint from the get-go, and I must admit that I find it very attractive and encouraging to know that I am not totally alone in this world with how I view things and how I think and reason and react. Indeed I can say that the parallel’s between us are numerous, and telling. We both enjoy a very interesting mixture of various styles and flavors of humor, some of which is VERY specific and off beat, some of which is a rather inverted take on more commonly humorous ideas and such.
We both also enjoy many of the same sorts of entertainment, our tastes are rather diverse, and yet there is about as much divergence as overlap in such things like TV shows and book reading lists, and it is this, the things that are both alike, and that are not, that draws us together, rather than divide us. As much as we are drawn to our commonalities, we are also bound by our differences, they contrast who we are, and add depth to the commonalities we hold dear, both in our own selves, each other and in us.
It is such things that have built our mutual empathy for one another; the intellectual, psychological, creative, and emotional connections we have forged over the last three or so years, have been built slowly, but surely. And they have evolved into what I feel are the surest signs of a lasting romantic relationship; we don’t try to impress each other, because we don’t have any need to, just simply because we understand each other well enough, that there are no silly “dating” themed pretenses fogging everything up for us. Case in point: we are both very odd and random, and while we are neither one of us is ashamed of this, we know that when it comes to being totally unfiltered and honest, we can totally and fully trust one another, more than any other person to be totally honest. This is the addition, the parallel to the other realms and contexts in life that we share another key sign; total and absolute honesty. No explanation required says I, because there simply is no reason to expand on the fact that when I say “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.” She can say “Well if you maybe ever got your head out of your ass…” and we can laugh about it. Or she can say “What?” and I reply “You.” and that is a perfectly legitimate answer, even when she claims that it is not, and vice versa. Something I value highly in our relationship is that we can avoid being cross with each other when we tease and taunt, torment and exasperate one another, which then I feel that is all based in a threefold foundation built in trust, honesty, and understanding. It is this, driven by the desire that I have, and that I truly believe she shares with me, to be with her, to spend time together, to know and understand as much as possible, to connect in every way we can, from simply talking back and forth, to kissing, hugging, sharing dreams and ideas, creating stories together. And even one day, when the time is right, and we are both ready, yes, yes, to be physically intimate as well, to know one another in whole, as well as in part. The idea that we both wish it to be, that we will get to watch each other grow, evolve, learn, age, mature, expand, to share the process, and journey called life, to spend forever, not so much as two people connected in a shallow or simple way, but to become two personality’s merged into a whole. One that is both equal, and greater than the sum of its parts. I truly want to grow old gray and fat with her, I want to watch the world change with her, I want to watch her succeed, and I want to succeed both for myself, and for her, and I want to spend every night with her in my arms, keeping her safe from the world.
If it is not yet fully clear and plain, then let me dispel any doubts; I cannot fully explain what it is about her really, or why I love her. Why I care for her, want her and need her, as I do. I can explain it in part, and I can example endlessly, I can speak of love songs, and paintings. I can write poems and stories until all the ink in the world is used, and every scrap of paper is covered. It is not enough, because I cannot define it wholly, and yet, it is that in and of itself that makes me love her, the fact that while I can explain it in part, it is that mysterious force that I cannot resist, nor quantify. It is like grasping at a sunbeam, I can feel its warmth, see its shimmering, blinding brilliance, and yet, I cannot take hold of it or capture it.
Yet I shall forever attempt it.
She is not a common beauty, she is rather plain and tall, simple and direct, in both manner and style. She carries herself with a simple dignity and grace that is uncommon, unique in that while she is rather un-feminine in many of her tastes, habits, preferences and ideals, she is still, so very womanly, feminine to a wondrously human fault. There is something about all girls that is so, indeed paradoxal, but for her, it is even more so, there is that something extra to her, something “otherish” a something inescapable and special. Her smile, her eyes, her laugh and her voice, all are magical to me. I know some might say that she is rather plain, or very simple, and perchance not very attractive. Too many freckles, too skinny, too tall, too pale, too tomboyish, too opinionated, too nerdish, too creative, too quiet, too prudish.
Pardon my French, but fuck that to hell and back;. I think freckles are sexy and pale is something that happens when one has freckles, and it does not bother me in the least. I love intelligence, and I believe that creativity is a large part of it, and I think that being nerdish or geeky is fine, it is nothing strange or shameful; it just means you are not overly worried with the dominating forces in pop-culture, which I myself am not. I do not care for a girls weight one way or the other honestly, we are all different, all shapes and sizes, and so long as she is healthy, meaning she is not starving herself, nor over eating, then I am happy, and so long as she is happy with herself and knows that I love her no matter what her weight is, then that’s all that matters. I like the fact that she is tall, I am rather very tall, myself, and it is a nice change of pace, seeing that all of my previous girlfriends where under five feet and five inches. I like that Kristen fits in my side perfectly, that we can stand side to side, her shoulder tucked under mine, her head on my chest, and that my head can lean over on top of hers. It is in fact, I feel that because she is so “not”, that is to say, against the various stereotypical ideals of young ladies her age (and beyond) that while the popular ideal might be to view her as rather odd or strange, I feel it only enhances her as a whole, in every part, but even more to the point, in her simple, wholesome, and unfettered beauty. My god, she is the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen, and it is driven because, she is not pretentious, nor frilly, nor even fully comfortable and aware of her stunningly simple and pure beauty.
It is that otherish part of her, that is so unlike anything or anyone else I have ever known, that draws me in, and it is the level of connection that has bonded me to her, and her to me. It is and it is not, the only reason, and she is both not, and yet still is, the most feminine person. She is the most inspiring girl I’ve met, I long for the time we had together, and the time we have yet to share. I yearn for the chance to crash my lips upon hers, and to feel her curves pressed into my side, to feel the warmth of her breath on my neck, to have her soft, coolly warm fingers trace my arms, and to feel her heartbeat next to mine.
In closing, it is simply that she is that unnamable, lost and unknown, yet fully aware part of my soul, heart, and body that I have been searching for my whole life, the lover of my heart, and the balm to my soul. The girl of my dreams, the lover I have always yearned and ached for, the partner I have always needed, the comfort I have always sought. She is in fact, my , doppelganger the other side of the coin I have found myself upon. She is the partner I need for my journey, the catalyst for my process, she has given my life, a meaning and a reason I will forever struggle to define, and has made be long to be worthy of her incredible person.
I hardly feel up to the task of loving her, but I will not let that keep me from trying.
It is all around me, I am not blinded, but empowered by it, and I am burned by the cold tear of absence, and yet am also risen up by its light and heat.
It is love, for her, for the ideal of us, and it is what fuels me even now.
I am hopelessly in love with you Kristen Brianne Dennis, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
When one is comparing the various traits that they like about someone, the most common thing other people seem to speak about, is the physical appearance of a person. Be it themselves, a friend or romantic interest, or a family member (although in less detail for the latter when compared to the formers) from describing the other persons hair or eyes, to their build or the type of figure they cut, as well as other less solid things such as clothing style, or even expressions or mannerisms. This need to quantify various aspects, to explain the many facets of a person, is driven forward I think, by the need to organize things for our own selves, more than for others. Maybe I’m wrong but I always feel that for myself, it is the need to understand how a person fits into my little corner of the universe, to understand the exact standing of the relationship between me and them, that drives this, which is an interesting contrast to my “come what may, live and let live” kind of well… Lazy, approach to life, which is provoked from my need to keep external input as simple as possible, since my internal throughput is always so widespread and randomly in-depth.
As to what Love is… Well, in a simple academic sense, love is a basic human emotion, a drive even, one that we all carry within ourselves. However understanding it and why it happens is not as simple as you may think, no matter how much effort is devoted to it, and while the exercise is always an existential event, it will always in the end, elude any single defining trait to which I or anyone might attach a singular label upon. Sad but true.Indeed, it seems to me, that psychologists believe firmly that there are two basic types of love: compassionate and passionate. Compassionate love is characterized by affection, attachment, mutual respect and trust. This type of love usually develops over time out of feelings of mutual understanding, interest, empathy and respect shared by two people. Whereas passionate love is characterized by physical (pre-dominantly sexual) or intellectual attraction, intense emotions, affection, anxiety, elation and a strong desire to spend as much time with the other person as possible. So of course, it would seem to me that the balance of the two is what is vital. The transition between them, the back and forth, is what is needed for a lasting relationship. If only because we all age, we all mature, and we all evolve, or more simply, we get wrinkled. That physical attraction and the longing and drive attached to it, will not last forever, however the camaraderie, empathy, intellectual connectivity, and attachment that forges the bonds we make in life, can last forever if we put forth the effort, and it is that which can stand the test of time, if we so wish to try.
But to what do we owe such a bonding of persons? In mind, soul, heart and even body, it is the traits, the qualities and attributes that draw us in, the common interests, the common view points, the things shared, even if not totally alike, that pull us into that first level of attraction and interest, the most simple and basic connection that humanity has sought since before recorded history, a sense of “us” of the things that draw us together. I feel that the core of our very existence, pretty much on any and every level as human beings, is relationships. And the core of ANY relationship is the exchange of essence, more practically thought of as communication, and the basis for communication is contact, the reason for contact, is driven by interest, while the root of interest is attraction, and the reason for any kind of attraction, is to, of course, initiate relationships.
So then, at long last; what are some of the things that I find attractive about Kristen? What are some of the traits, quarks, moods, attributes and qualities that I like about her, that attract me to her, that bond us as friends, as romantic interests, as lovers?
Okay… here we go…
I am a person who tries to be as fair as I can, I struggle to see any and all situations as a whole, from as many varying perspectives as I can, I do my best to see “both sides of the equation” as I like to say, because it is a part of my personality, a part of my character, and it is a trait I find lacking in the vast majority of people, save for Kristen. She is likely the only other person I can think of who attempts to share this viewpoint from the get-go, and I must admit that I find it very attractive and encouraging to know that I am not totally alone in this world with how I view things and how I think and reason and react. Indeed I can say that the parallel’s between us are numerous, and telling. We both enjoy a very interesting mixture of various styles and flavors of humor, some of which is VERY specific and off beat, some of which is a rather inverted take on more commonly humorous ideas and such.
We both also enjoy many of the same sorts of entertainment, our tastes are rather diverse, and yet there is about as much divergence as overlap in such things like TV shows and book reading lists, and it is this, the things that are both alike, and that are not, that draws us together, rather than divide us. As much as we are drawn to our commonalities, we are also bound by our differences, they contrast who we are, and add depth to the commonalities we hold dear, both in our own selves, each other and in us.
It is such things that have built our mutual empathy for one another; the intellectual, psychological, creative, and emotional connections we have forged over the last three or so years, have been built slowly, but surely. And they have evolved into what I feel are the surest signs of a lasting romantic relationship; we don’t try to impress each other, because we don’t have any need to, just simply because we understand each other well enough, that there are no silly “dating” themed pretenses fogging everything up for us. Case in point: we are both very odd and random, and while we are neither one of us is ashamed of this, we know that when it comes to being totally unfiltered and honest, we can totally and fully trust one another, more than any other person to be totally honest. This is the addition, the parallel to the other realms and contexts in life that we share another key sign; total and absolute honesty. No explanation required says I, because there simply is no reason to expand on the fact that when I say “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.” She can say “Well if you maybe ever got your head out of your ass…” and we can laugh about it. Or she can say “What?” and I reply “You.” and that is a perfectly legitimate answer, even when she claims that it is not, and vice versa. Something I value highly in our relationship is that we can avoid being cross with each other when we tease and taunt, torment and exasperate one another, which then I feel that is all based in a threefold foundation built in trust, honesty, and understanding. It is this, driven by the desire that I have, and that I truly believe she shares with me, to be with her, to spend time together, to know and understand as much as possible, to connect in every way we can, from simply talking back and forth, to kissing, hugging, sharing dreams and ideas, creating stories together. And even one day, when the time is right, and we are both ready, yes, yes, to be physically intimate as well, to know one another in whole, as well as in part. The idea that we both wish it to be, that we will get to watch each other grow, evolve, learn, age, mature, expand, to share the process, and journey called life, to spend forever, not so much as two people connected in a shallow or simple way, but to become two personality’s merged into a whole. One that is both equal, and greater than the sum of its parts. I truly want to grow old gray and fat with her, I want to watch the world change with her, I want to watch her succeed, and I want to succeed both for myself, and for her, and I want to spend every night with her in my arms, keeping her safe from the world.
If it is not yet fully clear and plain, then let me dispel any doubts; I cannot fully explain what it is about her really, or why I love her. Why I care for her, want her and need her, as I do. I can explain it in part, and I can example endlessly, I can speak of love songs, and paintings. I can write poems and stories until all the ink in the world is used, and every scrap of paper is covered. It is not enough, because I cannot define it wholly, and yet, it is that in and of itself that makes me love her, the fact that while I can explain it in part, it is that mysterious force that I cannot resist, nor quantify. It is like grasping at a sunbeam, I can feel its warmth, see its shimmering, blinding brilliance, and yet, I cannot take hold of it or capture it.
Yet I shall forever attempt it.
She is not a common beauty, she is rather plain and tall, simple and direct, in both manner and style. She carries herself with a simple dignity and grace that is uncommon, unique in that while she is rather un-feminine in many of her tastes, habits, preferences and ideals, she is still, so very womanly, feminine to a wondrously human fault. There is something about all girls that is so, indeed paradoxal, but for her, it is even more so, there is that something extra to her, something “otherish” a something inescapable and special. Her smile, her eyes, her laugh and her voice, all are magical to me. I know some might say that she is rather plain, or very simple, and perchance not very attractive. Too many freckles, too skinny, too tall, too pale, too tomboyish, too opinionated, too nerdish, too creative, too quiet, too prudish.
Pardon my French, but fuck that to hell and back;. I think freckles are sexy and pale is something that happens when one has freckles, and it does not bother me in the least. I love intelligence, and I believe that creativity is a large part of it, and I think that being nerdish or geeky is fine, it is nothing strange or shameful; it just means you are not overly worried with the dominating forces in pop-culture, which I myself am not. I do not care for a girls weight one way or the other honestly, we are all different, all shapes and sizes, and so long as she is healthy, meaning she is not starving herself, nor over eating, then I am happy, and so long as she is happy with herself and knows that I love her no matter what her weight is, then that’s all that matters. I like the fact that she is tall, I am rather very tall, myself, and it is a nice change of pace, seeing that all of my previous girlfriends where under five feet and five inches. I like that Kristen fits in my side perfectly, that we can stand side to side, her shoulder tucked under mine, her head on my chest, and that my head can lean over on top of hers. It is in fact, I feel that because she is so “not”, that is to say, against the various stereotypical ideals of young ladies her age (and beyond) that while the popular ideal might be to view her as rather odd or strange, I feel it only enhances her as a whole, in every part, but even more to the point, in her simple, wholesome, and unfettered beauty. My god, she is the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen, and it is driven because, she is not pretentious, nor frilly, nor even fully comfortable and aware of her stunningly simple and pure beauty.
It is that otherish part of her, that is so unlike anything or anyone else I have ever known, that draws me in, and it is the level of connection that has bonded me to her, and her to me. It is and it is not, the only reason, and she is both not, and yet still is, the most feminine person. She is the most inspiring girl I’ve met, I long for the time we had together, and the time we have yet to share. I yearn for the chance to crash my lips upon hers, and to feel her curves pressed into my side, to feel the warmth of her breath on my neck, to have her soft, coolly warm fingers trace my arms, and to feel her heartbeat next to mine.
In closing, it is simply that she is that unnamable, lost and unknown, yet fully aware part of my soul, heart, and body that I have been searching for my whole life, the lover of my heart, and the balm to my soul. The girl of my dreams, the lover I have always yearned and ached for, the partner I have always needed, the comfort I have always sought. She is in fact, my , doppelganger the other side of the coin I have found myself upon. She is the partner I need for my journey, the catalyst for my process, she has given my life, a meaning and a reason I will forever struggle to define, and has made be long to be worthy of her incredible person.
I hardly feel up to the task of loving her, but I will not let that keep me from trying.
It is all around me, I am not blinded, but empowered by it, and I am burned by the cold tear of absence, and yet am also risen up by its light and heat.
It is love, for her, for the ideal of us, and it is what fuels me even now.
I am hopelessly in love with you Kristen Brianne Dennis, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
SO yeah... 3,855 words later... heeee...
Had fun doing this, next time, I'll post something on the fly, since this took the better of 43 weeks to do ;p
True Love Endures,
~Caleb
<3 My own paper shall be finished as soon as school is no longer swamping me. xD
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