How can I properly recount my vacation? How can I capture every moment that passed by my eyes, every step I took, look I traded, glance I shared, and sound I heard?
How can I capture the moments, the hours, the minuets, the days, the nights, the smells and the lights?
Properly? I cannot.
In the best way I can? Oh hell yes…I saw a new place, a new land in a way, Ohio is NOT Texas, it’s a crap ton of fields and trees, with a scattering of civilization and a messy yet simple maze of roadways, strangely different blue skies, with clouds that shift and fade and roll in ways I cannot reconcile with what I know and hold dear.
I am a Texan first, and an American second, I am proud of my heritage, both in my bloodlines and in my historical home and native landscape, God bless Texas, and the USA, and ya know what, I don’t care if I sound like some old fuggy I AM proud of who I am and where I come from, Texas has the bluest skies and the brightest days, the most star-studded nights and the brightest skylines as far as I can tell, and I HAVE in fact been about; I’ve seen New York and L.A., Albuquerque, Denver, Atlanta and Philadelphia, and now Cleveland and Toledo and I can say, they are all lovely in their own ways, but they are not Dallas or Fort Worth or Austin or San Antonio or Corpus Christi or even Tyler.
Think about that for a moment and realize what I mean when I say all of that, then consider the gravity of what now follows; I would leave Texas in a heartbeat to be with her.
~geargrind~
Shut up Internet, I’m ADD in case you missed it, and if so, then welcome to the party children, now buckle up, shut up, and enjoy the ride damn you…
Our first kiss, was in her brothers kitchen in Toledo, the first day I was there, barely 6 hours since we’d first met, in the Dayton airport and I’d almost shoulder tackled her trying to give her a hug. Hardly the most romantic of settings, and it was kind of a silly thing because I simply couldn’t wait any longer, and it was a golden opportunity because it was the very first time we had been alone at all for more than three seconds, and while her brother was just around the corner and down the stairs, I jumped on the moment like a starving wolf on a sick lamb…
I reached out and snagged her hand gently and tugged her back from the doorway, and gave her a smile, then pulled her towards me a step as I closed the gap and looked at her in the semi-darkness of the unlit kitchen, and looked at her, my stomach knotted up like it was the first time I’d ever kissed a girl as I softly asked her if I might give her a kiss.
She blinked at me, two or three times so fast I honestly don’t know how many times it was, a mixture of thoughts dancing across her face, through her stunning “hazel” (a mix of blue gray, green and coppery brown really) eyes. Mostly, a series of thoughts and emotions that seemed to me to read as; “Oh! Wow, already? Oh my gosh wow! Why here? Why now? Is he for real? Yes please! What TOOK him so long?!?”
All in a half second moment that passed between us as I tried not to have only the second panic attack of my life, in the middle of a strangers kitchen.
“Yeah.” She said with a small smile that was part happy, part coy, and part scared.
We kissed, and while it was far from earth shaking, or mind altering or even very long or intense, it was all I needed. It was really little more than a friendly, nervous peck, but in that moment, for a split second, there was nothing.
In my head that is.
I am always a storm of noise, chaos, color, sound scents and energy inside my own head, and its very rare that I ever have a moment of total calm and quiet.
For a single thunderously silent heartbeat that flowed across every inch of my mind and torso, there was nothing at all, and the instant our lips parted, I heard a sound, like some stringed glass chime with a tube overdrive, a simple little tune that I shall forever struggle to capture or recreate without her lips on mine.And then in the next moment, we where standing in the kitchen looking at each other blushing and smiling, before we looked to the door and decided it would be a good idea to catch up with her brother Cameron and finish the tour of the new house he was renting.
The next few kisses where just small sweet gestures, nervous exchanges of emotion and hormones and affectionate overtures of a long ago established connection. Wonderful fluff n' stuff for sure.
And then much later, sitting on a couch, talking, and holding hands, she leaned over on me, and I wrapped my arm around her, and before long, we kissed again, in a deep soul-searching, mind bending fashion, and then the follow-up kiss sent me over the edge into a place Id not been to in a long time, that little melody humming in the back of my mind as the rest of me shut down and my heart soared, my lips tingled, and lungs burned in sweet agony.
“Whoa.”
That’s about all I could say…
That’s all I can really say about every kiss after that, every nuzzle, and hug, smile and smirk, kiss and cuddle and every little look, laugh, sigh and tear are tiny little golden crystal drops of magic and awe that I shall hold dear, and as I told her more than once, she is my treasure, she is the most beautiful girl in the world to me, she is gorgeous inside and out, for all of the things that are about her, a part of her, work in concert together, no single part of her is what attracts me, but her as a whole, is what I find so appealing, drawing me in a way I cannot explain, pulling me to her on a level that transcends all other reason or rhyme for me.
She is beautiful in body, spirit, and mind, soul, portion and emotion, her eyes are such that even when she cries, they are lovely, tragically so maybe, but stunning none the less...How can I sum it all up? As I said before, I really can't but hell, that's never stopped me from trying before right?
Hey Twitter, what was all that I was jabbering on about a little while a go?
When it comes to the one person you love above all else in the world the one that matters most to you there is no such thing as ''too much''
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way
Every time my eyes slide open, and every instance that I'm awake, serves to make me think about you no matter the distance time may take...
Kristen, I have realized I almost enjoy missing you, meaning I like the reasons I'm able to miss you but I don't like missing you, and I would do or give all you would ask and more, freely commit to what you could not or would not require, if only because you are my treasure, my girl, my kitten, my love, the only one I want, the one I need, and the one I wish to share and spend my life with forever.
I want to have children with you, God help the world, and I want to grow old fat and gray with you, and torment the attendants at the retirement home with a geriatric segway gang.
You are a piece of me, that I didn't fully realize was missing, and now...
I am forever grateful to you for everything, your friendship, your love, your time, and your emotions that you have invested in me, I can only hope you understand, even in part how I feel about you...
*~Ahem~*
HIT IT YOUTUBE!
I wanna hold your hand, cause all you need is love.
Above all else, Love is the greatest, Love remains, and Love wins.
Endure,
~Caleb
