To Alexis A...

Wow... four years ago this month, we met, and soon thereafter became friends, and not long after that, we started dating... and THEN I started falling for you...
But I can't blame you for that, I blame myself, I knew better from the start, we should have never blured the lines between a good friendship and a bad romance, and for that I can almost blame you, because, lets be honest here, you where being selfish, and yes, so was I, but truly, how egotistical must a person be to think that an older male would totally up root himself from simply EVERYTHING just for little ol you?
How narcissistic is that?
Sure flashing some soft sweet skin, and promising a shot at the world and a family and glamor is all well and good, but is that all you could do? A few commonalites and the offer of constant sex are far from the bedrock needed for a lasting romance, hell they're barely the preambles to a torid summer fling!
And yet you hooked me, in that all too vulnerable spot, and that offten wounded place, and before either of us knew it, we where well on our way to a hell of your making.
Make no mistake, I blame you for the hell, it was your fault in the end, and even you can admit to that, can't you? I don't know honestly, last i heard, you said you'd grown, but you never really grew up from what I could ever tell, you just got smarter, and learned your trade better even well, oh you learned to blame me, as if you needed to at all, to blame your parents your friends, or lack thereof, The weed, the city, the fading of our "love" but in the end it was really all you, your web became tangled & covered in glue, of all the lies we both had told and as you still blame me, shuck your fair blame, I can't help but notice by the lack of your evedince, your still the same, and oh so sorry and terribly lame, you like a "profesional wrestler" who reminds me of a douche bag jersy shore me, well la de da, I guess what I said way back a year ago was true; I was the trigger for the bomb you had built, so you can't blame me and still dodge the guilt.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't hate you, I wanted to and couldn't, no matter what you did, but given some time and distance, and a taste of the real thing, I can't help but come to one singular conclusion, and it pains just a little to say; I never truly loved you, in any real meaningful way, and for that I am sorry, and apologize totally for that slight, but it takes two to tango, and right now I'm alright, because in a strange way, you somehow where right, and when I go to sleep in the morning, it won't be you I tell good night.

So for that I must thank you, in a strange ironic way, without almost choaking on ypur shit, I would have never found the real thing.
So now I'm at the end of this letter, perhaps over due, but all things in good time I guess.

Good bye Alexis, and if I never see or hear of or from you again then that is just how life goes, its funny how it is, but it is what it is, and at least I'm better for it.

~Caleb