- From my personal
archives -
Wednesday, June 10,
2009
My Wife,
I’d like my wife to be:
1. The main thing is she’s a Christian, has been careful
with her heart and body and is willing to wait until she is sure the time is
right, until she is ready, and it is proper to give all she is to me, and I to
her.
2. Loving/understanding: I’m a bit rough around the edges
and a little nuts, so need I say more?
3. Brave: she’ll need to be. See above…
4. Musical: A must, I like to be able to rock out whenever
the mood hits me and I think it’s be boss if she’d have the talent to do so
with me… And she’ll need to like music in the same way I do, not because I want
her to like everything I like, but because she enjoys good music and sees the
power and value in it as I do.
5. Kind hearted and soft: because I’m not always able to be…
I’m a bit of a cold-hearted jerk sometimes, and I need someone to help even me
out so I can enjoy life without always being stressed and grumpy. See numbers 1
2 and 3.
6. Pretty: she doesn’t need to be a knock-out to any one but
me… besides, She’ll be getting a slightly dog-eared hunk of tall Texas
Irishman. But freckles and very pretty eyes are a bonus.
7. Funny and smart: She’ll need it to keep up with me and
help keep us from starving… or going nuts, and a good sense of humor is what
makes life seem not so harsh, even when it is.
8. Come from a loving/christian family: this is connected
somewhat to number one, and is more to please Mama and Dad, I don’t care if
she’s from a broken home or not; if she has a good head and heart, then she can
overcome any and all issues, including family based problems.
9. Be unique: Because I am, and the unique people of the
world are always the most interesting.
10. Love animals: Because I do, and a person who can love a
simple creature, has character.
11. Can cook/loves home cooking: I love to cook and eat and
I hope she does too, and even if she isn’t a whiz in the kitchen, I just hope
she enjoys good food as much as I do, but hopefully she can make a mean
meatloaf, as that’s one of the things I can’t cook…
12. Be from Texas: This is #12 because it’s the least
important and it’s more of a joke than anything else… So long as she’s from the
planet earth I’m happy.
The above is from a word document I found on my hardrive in
my random files and dates back a few years when I was really thinking about my
future and where I would be and whom I would spend my life with. At the time, I
had just ended (or rather had come to terms with the end of) my third dating
relationship, and was somewhat ill content with the results of my then current
relational status and experience’s but trying to keep an upbeat outlook on
things.
It was far from easy, and in truth, as time passed, I made
foolish allowances for the various mistakes I had made and allowed my standards
and ideals to slip away from the above list to the point that I would, when the
time came, take whatever crumbs I could get in the realms of romance and
dating. Enter you, the internet, and that little kind’a sort’a not really
hidden corner of the web known as online, turn form, thread based roll play,
and the realms of ProBoards dot com, and their online RP community, such as it
is.
Enter from stage left, Alexis.
Now I will not bore or recount you dear reader with the
details, as they are, however biased and incomplete, archived here on this blog
for the reading, or within the allowable context, free for the asking, however
after Lexy, I had a time of healing and maturing to complement the hard stint
of growing I did during that time, before I realized I had fallen in love with
my best friend.
Spotlight to right-center stage, soft focus on Kristen, cue
the soft alt-rockish background music and cross-fade into a Beatles love song.
Now to grind the gears a bit…
Ever since I started to realize how much I had grown to
respect and care for Kristen, and how much she mattered to me, I knew, deep
down in my heart, that my little daydream of one day meeting her, and spending
some time with her, just to get to know her, was going to happen. Realize, I
have had the desire to meet many if not all of my Internet friends, at one
point or another, for many reasons, chief of which was because I thought it
would be cool to do so. However the desire to meet Kristen had suddenly, and at
first without my permission, started to grow into the want of knowing her
better, to see if we had any sort of chemistry in real life. Not strictly in
the romantic sense, but more of the general vein of natural human curiosity, as
is normal and healthy. And besides, at the time, she was still dating her
former friend Jacob, so I knew it was wrong for me to want to meet her and try
to romance her. Fast-forward about four months from my inadvertent realization
and roundabout and ass-backwards admission of infatuation with her sometime
around new years of 2011, via text message, which was in response to her more
or less “verbally” kicking my rear end for going out downtown feeling sorry for
myself and “hunting” or more accurately trolling the stock yards looking for a
one night stand, and… Well, we where talking on the phone a lot more, she had
broken up with Jacob roughly five weeks previously after at last confirming
within herself that the relationship was doomed and dying between them, and suddenly,
I had the overpowering urge to meet her face to face, to spend time with her,
and to romance her to the utmost of my capacity, not because I felt like I had
to prove something to her, or that I had to trump up myself or be more
appealing than I really was, and other than the fact that I wanted too, but
more because she deserved it, and because I am a romantic at heart, and I have
that within me to give her. I was suddenly not only willing, but ready, and
raring to fight for her, even if the battle was more with my bank account and
both of our parents approval (which for us had its proper place somewhere
further down the list than they would have liked I'm sure) as well as with my
own fears and worries about our relationship.
The day we first met face to face, in the terminal of the
Dayton airport, and I almost shoulder tackled her when she went to hug me in
greeting (which in all fairness, I was not expecting, nor felt that I had
earned the right to do yet at that time) and I was juggling a backpack and
guitar, and yet… I knew the moment I saw her… I knew that things would only get
better.
As I told her that day, and every day since then; “You are
much more beautiful in person.” And in truth, she is. Pictures do not do her
justice, mostly because she has that quality that is deep within, that purity
and grace, that gentleness and love that shines out from deep within. And the
fact that she is very pretty externally as well. Hey, what can I say? Freckles
are sexy dammit!
But to bring this fully into the current context; I miss her
so much it hurts. From day one, last August when I first met her, even with all
the nerves, I could feel it, that pull, that peace, and that ease. The
connection we had shared over a thousand miles, over the phone, was real, and
it was strengthened with proximity.
As for the two weeks she spent down here, with me and my
family, in my “little corner of the universe” as it were, all I can really say,
is what has already been said, is what the truth is; I cannot wait for the day
when I can have her here for good, every day, close at hand, by my side, and in
my life as she and I wish it to be. Married, living in the same place, sharing
our struggles and joys and fears and trials and life’s on a day-to-day basis.
It has been my desire to do so since that first day, since I
uttered those fateful three words to her, since the thousand odd miles between
us suddenly seemed so trivial and meaningless yet oh so very prominent, yet the
longing, the pull, the attachment has proved stronger than anything else in my
life short of the sovereign hand of God.
Mac out kiddos, work calls once more, so I gotta go and be the man again, on my day off…
Endure,
~Caleb
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