To Alexis A...

Wow... four years ago this month, we met, and soon thereafter became friends, and not long after that, we started dating... and THEN I started falling for you...
But I can't blame you for that, I blame myself, I knew better from the start, we should have never blured the lines between a good friendship and a bad romance, and for that I can almost blame you, because, lets be honest here, you where being selfish, and yes, so was I, but truly, how egotistical must a person be to think that an older male would totally up root himself from simply EVERYTHING just for little ol you?
How narcissistic is that?
Sure flashing some soft sweet skin, and promising a shot at the world and a family and glamor is all well and good, but is that all you could do? A few commonalites and the offer of constant sex are far from the bedrock needed for a lasting romance, hell they're barely the preambles to a torid summer fling!
And yet you hooked me, in that all too vulnerable spot, and that offten wounded place, and before either of us knew it, we where well on our way to a hell of your making.
Make no mistake, I blame you for the hell, it was your fault in the end, and even you can admit to that, can't you? I don't know honestly, last i heard, you said you'd grown, but you never really grew up from what I could ever tell, you just got smarter, and learned your trade better even well, oh you learned to blame me, as if you needed to at all, to blame your parents your friends, or lack thereof, The weed, the city, the fading of our "love" but in the end it was really all you, your web became tangled & covered in glue, of all the lies we both had told and as you still blame me, shuck your fair blame, I can't help but notice by the lack of your evedince, your still the same, and oh so sorry and terribly lame, you like a "profesional wrestler" who reminds me of a douche bag jersy shore me, well la de da, I guess what I said way back a year ago was true; I was the trigger for the bomb you had built, so you can't blame me and still dodge the guilt.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't hate you, I wanted to and couldn't, no matter what you did, but given some time and distance, and a taste of the real thing, I can't help but come to one singular conclusion, and it pains just a little to say; I never truly loved you, in any real meaningful way, and for that I am sorry, and apologize totally for that slight, but it takes two to tango, and right now I'm alright, because in a strange way, you somehow where right, and when I go to sleep in the morning, it won't be you I tell good night.

So for that I must thank you, in a strange ironic way, without almost choaking on ypur shit, I would have never found the real thing.
So now I'm at the end of this letter, perhaps over due, but all things in good time I guess.

Good bye Alexis, and if I never see or hear of or from you again then that is just how life goes, its funny how it is, but it is what it is, and at least I'm better for it.

~Caleb

Give and Take

I love you my dear one,
Believe me I do,
But what you have to give me,
I cannot return to you,
Neither my own nor yours shall be given unto you.
And yet a gift I do have, the result not ideal, yet the essence is as pure as I can make it,
My all is yours, in excange for your everything, my strength and my skill, my gentleness and my patience, all my tenderness and affections now belong to you.

All I can say, all I can promise, is that the pain will not last, and if you give me the premission, and the time to teach, I can give you the moon, and you shall give me the sun, and heaven shall be that much closer for us, or at least, another realm of it shall open for us, as you open for me, as I draw closest to you, and we draw out our love for one another in that secret place we make for ourselves and each other...

inside...

Endure my love,
Turn your eyes to the moon,
Count the days,
I'll be there soon,
My banner worn,
Dirt smeared and blood stained,
Hidden from others for you to devine,
My temper on my fist,
My heart bound to thine,
May my armor of denim and leather hold true,
The shell of my persona calloused and hard,
Masks the gentle and sublte bard,
My blood stirs and grows acidic,
My mind draws closed and singular like Riddic,
My wrath simmers hidden away for whenever it may be needed,
And my muse for you is ever always seeded,
To tell you of how I feel for you,
There will never be an end to my emotions made now true.

You're love awaits you,
Oh dear and gentle maid,
A worn and used champion now stands for you.
Into the fire, the breach, the fray I await to fling myself into.
Or into your arms, where love I will do unto you.


~Caleb

marching on...

Why does time move so slow?
When I look at a clock I want to shout "Nooo!"
The squares on the calenders are far too numerous, marking them off one by one leaves me far from humorous.

I always sigh when I see the date, the numbers and letters remind me of how long I must wait.

I hate to wait yet I'm oh so good at it, but I didn't enjoy learning to make my wants fit.

But I know that its worth the toil and wait, to start my destiny, and fullfil my fate.

So I count the days, and fill the time, longing for her and forming up rthymes.

For love is worth it, or so I've been told, and so I have proven, tis more valuble gold.



Live, Laugh, Love, Endure,
~Caleb