Funny how life is a challenge, a plan gone awry,
Funny how it all flows down, I pondered and I mused,
Funny how the one you love, can leave you feeling abused.
Amusing yes? A joke quite right, to see ourselves toil,
Our dreams and plans, like dirty hands, caked in blood an soil,
For what we wish, and what is, are never what we see,
Thr’u in and out, letter and shout, I miss all we were to be.
Funny how it works, I said, as I watched you veer,
Funny how you never figured out, the totality of my fear,
Funny how like a tired old song, I replay it all now,
Funny how you chose at last, to forsake your sacred vow.
Frightening, yes? A a lie accepted, in you took of misandry deep,
Your mind muddled and my heart troubled, from vile bias, beginning to seep,
Statistics, arguments half thought, I never knew anything was wrong,
Alone in a crowd, or crowded alone, you became isolation in for a song.
Funny how it works, said I, as I felt my heart grieving,
Funny how my lesions, strangely keep repeating,
Funny how life makes us wander, to earn our marks of valor,
Funny how it always darkens, our souls to sickly pallor.
Longing after, a passion forgotten, clinging to what was,
To hell with my reasons, damn the logic, and maybe what the narcotic does,
Aroused and numb, I bit my tongue, and tried until failing,
I thought you knew better, but you did not care, and left my soul wailing.
Funny how it works, you said, the disdain barely hidden,
Funny how I realized, my desire was now forbidden,
Funny how you found another, in whole, wholly lacking,
Funny how your new mental lover, adulterous had you packing.
My tears were few, my cries hot, as I howled at the moon,
Petty vindictive, and abused goodwill, you could not burn away too soon,
Wounded yet again, yet deeper still, I felt you bleed my heart dry,
I bottled coping, and waited there, having turned my back on your lie.
Funny how it works, I said, whispering to the stars,
Funny how it is, that Venus abandoned Mars,
Funny how I let myself, fall into, the same old game,
Funny how I still burn, at the thought, of the shame.
I broke myself down, bartered my time, my nature elemental,
I kept my vow to stay faithful, but your practical flight mocked my effort sentimental,
Pass the burden, the bills, the blame and the weight leave me sunned and senseless,
Split the unit, burn the ships and dump on me the consequences.
Funny how it works, I said said, my exhaustion absolute,
Funny how all I now have left, is my name, and pride now resolute,
Funny how I almost guessed, how the end would come about,
Funny how now that it's over, you label me the lout.
Returning to that lonesome place, hard worn, and the wiser,
I recounted my lessons, and reread my scars, still ticking like a Geiger,
I draw up my neigh empty well of support, long ago set aside,
And with a sense, of dread purpose, I seek once more my stride.
Funny how it works, she said, envy and hate for soul,
Funny how the things you need, partly make you whole,
Funny how it’s always from, the last place that you think,
Funny how what makes us stronger, is admitting that we’re weak.
I trembled but once, as I spoke, my heart crying thunder,
I knew the risks, as did you, now my heart is torn asunder.
You saw only the bad, you forgot the good, and you let it only scare you,
When the truth was obscured, and only lies heard, you fled my attempts to save you.
Funny how it works, said I, as I gazed into the sky,
Funny how life is a dream, a thought gone awry,
Funny how it all flows down, I pondered and I mused,
Funny how the one you love, is never at fault, when your heart is refused…
I still love you Kristen, with all my heart, even if you don't think you can love me back.
I hope you find what you think you're looking for, especially now, if it's without me.
I shall ever more endure, if only by the grace of God, or my own knuckle dragging cast iron stubbornness,
~Caleb
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