Start the video first please.
Done? Good.
Long winded and or verbose at I can be here, and in person, I find that in this moment, I find that short and simple is going to be the best method for me to apply to myself and this that I aim to do.
Today, I surrendered the last items of worth or value (and all applications of the word) left over from my marriage to Kristen.
Small tokens mostly, momentos, accolades and thoughts where I think and feel and believe and even on a level, know beyond all doubt, the truth once laid. As to if the truth still lays there or in proximity to there, where I once thought it was, I cannot say for sure and certain, but what I can say with conviction is this: I still love her, but everything about the relationship, be it the end, or a painful pause, is now wholly incumbent upon her.
I'm here if she wants to try again, whatever that might entail or mean, and if she does not, then so be it.
In the meantime, I have my own life to lead and to live, and if she want's to diverge our paths, then just as with everything else over the last six months, she is well able to make her choices and act accordingly.
For me, I restate the truth of the relationship as it always was; I could never wish to control her, I'm not capable of it, and do not desire it. I want a partnership, not a domination. I am neither a slave nor a master, I am not so simply, but evermore directly, me, myself, and I, and I am a MAN, imperfect, necessary, vital and rugged as I can be, and for any who wish to walk with me, I ask that you, of your own volition, either lead, follow, or get the fucking hell outta my way.
There is a broken, imperfect beauty to letting go of someone who does not wish to be held. It is liberating, even as it costs something.
Everything costs someone something.
I will endure.
~Caleb
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